Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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