I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
