i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
