Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
