Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize