Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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