well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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