I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
