Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
