I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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