So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
