Where did you get a picture of my penis
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
