It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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