Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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