hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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