I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
