I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
