grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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