Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
