Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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