My room smells like vodka and shame
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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