yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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