I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
