Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
