shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
