So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just want nice things and good sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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