just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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