I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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