i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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