So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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