What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
