Ambien. No doubt about it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
