He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
