weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
