I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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