i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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