Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
