My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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