I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
