i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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