She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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