Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
