Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
