Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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