Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
