just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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