Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
