Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
