So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
