what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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