omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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