fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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