a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
