Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
