on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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