I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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